Sasha also received her first set of booster shots this morning, so she’ll not be feeling so hot over the next day or so, which kind of sucks because she’s also taking her first plane ride this evening. But, Rachel gave her Tylenol this morning and she seems to be doing fine so far. It is funny because the Tylenol, which is cherry flavored, is the first non-milk thing that Sasha has ever consumed. I would have loved to have seen her face when she was given that. Rachel said that she just sat there and sucked on the dropper a little, but didn’t seem to mind it at all.

Anyway, that’s the scoop. She’s doing really well, yay Sasha! We’ll see how she fares in Alaska.

That’s right, we raced at the Lake Merritt Sprints in Oakland on Father’s Day this year, and it was a fantastic experience for me. It was the second race that Sasha has been to, and the second race in a row that I performed very well at. I’m starting to think that Sasha will need to be at all of my races from now on, since she’s such good luck. Rachel raced as well, her first race back since Sasha was born. I think she’s made incredible progress in the last nine weeks, but she feels like she still has a long way to go.

Anyway, Lake Merritt sets up a 1000m course for masters sprints. My team from the Marin Rowing Association has been doing very well lately and the depth to our rowing continues to increase to the point where our boats are usually coming in 1st and 2nd in the same race. So, I expected us to do well. But, I didn’t expect that I would win 3 out of my four races! This was a new level of success for me and it was a lot of fun.

Our 8+ flew down the course, and we won comfortably, which was a good thing since I had been seat raced into that boat against a very tall and very capable guy on our team. The 8+ was a very young boat, masters A level (21 - 35). I really wanted this boat to do well since we are starting to reach a critical mass of people on the team that can make up very competitive A boats, instead of B - F (which we still have). But, the young lineups can go harder and faster than the older crews, so they are fun to row. So, we definitely did well, but were lacking our main competition, Kent Mitchell Rowing Club. These guys are mostly ex-national team members and are naturally very, very fast. In fact, they are usually our litmus test, verifying whether we are actually fast or not. Either way though, it was fun and some of the other teams that were racing that day were very fast and made us work to get out ahead.

Next, I was in a pair with one of my great friends, Ken. This boat has been kind of our little secret until this last weekend. Both Ken and I tend to have really good boat feel, we can blend pretty well with whatever boat we’re rowing with. Since Ken and I are training partners, we thought it would be a good idea to try out a pair. Now, if you know nothing about rowing, a pair is just what it sounds like, a two-person boat. The kicker is that in this type of boat, each rower has one oar, which makes it, effectively, the most difficult boat to row out of all other types of boats. If the two rowers aren’t well matched or dont’t blend well together, the stronger of the two will pull the boat around in circles. Additionally, it is a really difficult boat to set (balance). Each person has to pretty much do exactly what the other person is doing or else the boat won’t go straight, won’t be balanced, and will go slower. So, if you haven’t gotten it by now, it is a real challenge to make one of these boats work. Ken and I have been practicing our pair for a little over a year now, and we’re starting to get very fast; fast in the sense that it would surprise some folks given our strength and size. We had raced this boat at LMS last year and done pretty well, but we were very rough, I didn’t steer a straight course and we wasted a lot of energy. The last year has been spent trying to clean it up, get stronger, and make the boat very efficient, and we seem to have hit a new stride in the boat in the last few weeks. We raced against another pair from our team, made up of two of our fastest and best rowers (who also won worlds in the pair together). So, being anywhere near them at the end of the race would have been awesome. We decided to row our own race, the way we had planned and practiced and see what happened. The result, we did very well. We didn’t win (we came in third, out of three), but it was the closest overall race of the entire day. Spectators thought that we were all pretty much even coming through the 750m mark, and indeed, we were very close. The River City boat that was also in our race was VERY fast (surprising, I was very impressed by them). Anyway, we ended up 2.8 seconds down at the end (after handicaps) on our other crew. We were actually really pleased with this result since we had made two fatal mistakes during this race. We didn’t do the start that we had discussed (and veered way off course as a result, lost a few seconds there for sure), and I didn’t call the sprint until we had 15 strokes to go. Corrections to both of those mistakes, and I have to believe that we could have won. It was really fun though, and I think Ken and I raised some eyebrows by being anywhere near those other boats at the finish, which was our goal. We are now racing this boat at SW Masters and at Nationals in August. We’re very excited!

On a side note, Ken and I went out this morning and hit a stride in that boat that was super fast and very efficient, not to mention really enjoyable. If we can do that for a whole race, we’ll be a serious threat to the other crews. Weird how I wrote the most about the boat that I lost in, huh?

Anyway, since I’ve already written a whole lot, I just do a quick synopsis of the other two races, which were equally awesome, but in very different ways.

My next race was a Men’s 4+, with some great guys from my team. We were supposed to be the “lightweight” boat, but not actually lightweight. There’s no doubt that we were smaller than the other Marin crew, and we were supposed to be slower. We ended up beating them by 6 seconds (that’s a lot in a 1k race). After the handicap, we beat them by 1 second, since we were a bit younger than they were. It was quite an upset and we were totally psyched, and came away with a gold.

The last race that I was in was a Mixed 4+ with Ken and I, and Rachel and her doubles partner Tanya. The four of us have raced a mixed quad for a long time, but we’d never tried a MX4+ (the difference is that the quad has eight oars and no coxswain, and the four has four oars and a coxswain). Anyway, the short of this race was that Ken, who was in stroke seat, just came off of the water from a pretty bad race and was mad. Rachel and Tanya hadn’t won anything all day in their other two races (they got screwed in one of the races, and just had some crazy competition in the other race), and I was tired from three hard races, but wanted to blow this one out. We didn’t know what kind of margin we had to win by, but we knew that at least one of the other boats had 12 seconds on us. All we knew is that we had to move out, and fast. So, we went out for blood. Ken set a pace out of the starting blocks that was pretty insane, but eventually settled down to a more manageable pace (for Ken and I, Rachel and Tanya were hanging on for dear life because they don’t usually race at those rates). The short of it is that we killed the field. We pulled what is affectionately termed, a horizon job, or as Ken likes to say, “Humiliating speed”. It was so fun, a great way to finish out the day, and a great race. We beat the next boat (which wasn’t even in our race, technically) by 15 seconds and the next boat by 23 seconds. It was pretty awesome, and we got to get Rachel her first gold medal since her pregnancy.

So, that, in a nutshell was my first Father’s Day. But, even though the bulk of this post is about the race, the best part of the day by far was that I was able to come off of the water and find my daughter hanging out with either Rachel or Kelly. It just brightens up any day of mine to see her cute little face. So, I gave Sasha all of my medals because in my mind, she’s the winner of the best daughter in the world award. Thanks Sasha, you’re the best and I love you more than you’ll ever know!

The alt tag on that comic was: “Ma’am, I admit that wasn’t in the best taste, but you have to admire my delivery! Ha ha, get it? Oh God, don’t throw those syringes! Your baby’s fine!”

Having recently experienced Rachel going through labor, I can image how ridiculous this scene would be, epidural or not. This comic wins many awesomeness points though.

See more zany goodness at http://www.xkcd.com.

The problem is, of course, that I most certainly do not have time to do something like this. Most authors completely immerse themselves in a project like a novel and only experience the world they’re creating for few months. Then, they edit the crap out of it, rewrite parts of the story, make it go somewhere else, then finally show it to an editor and have them get an publisher interested in it. The process takes a lot of time. And, as most of you know, time is something that I do not have in abundance. At all. In fact, I can’t even get enough time to regularly post in this blog, except for brief flurries of activity spaced out by a few months in between.

That being said, I’ve wanted to explore the creative side of writing ever since I was in college. This interest was renewed when my friend Chris did the “Write a novel in a month” challenge. So, I want to figure out how to do this. The problem with me is that, when I decide to do something, I want to do it very well. If I can’t do it well, I don’t do it at all. Hence the reason why my blog posts are so few and far between. I usually want to write very in-depth posts about a wide array of topics, and me just sitting down and spraying out my thoughts onto your screen just isn’t good enough for me. So, I’d rather not post.

This is an aspect of my personality that I’m trying to change (hence this post, which really doesn’t say anything). So, I think I’m going to try to start writing this thing, but I’m going to do it a little bit at a time. I’ll only work on it for 15 or 20 minutes/day, and only on days that I have an extra 15 or 20 minutes, and it is OK if it takes me 15 years to finish. Once I have the first chapter done, I think I’ll post it here and see if people like it. If it is liked, I’ll continue with it. If it sucks, or writing a novel is just not something that I can do, then I won’t do it and I’ll have my non-existent free time back. Rachel would tell me that this is insane and that I have so many other things to do. And, she would be absolutely right. But, life is short and you can make time for things that are important to you. What do you think, should I write it?

I’m usually really careful not to post my political views in my blog, for several reasons. Since my blog is pretty obviously tied to me personally (and not some anonymous web-junky who can spout any opinion have it not come back to bite them), I have to watch what I say. You never know who could be reading your blog, could be future employers who don’t share your political views, and we know that according to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, not sharing your potential employers’ political views is clear grounds for denial of employment. So, I usually keep this stuff out of here. But, a few things have really struck me as completely ridiculous in this round of presidential primaries and I wanted to share my thoughts on the subject.

First, the media has done their best to spin the most ridiculous side possible of the candidates that are running. It makes me feel like I’m watching a bad satire on Saturday Night Live or something. The best example I can think of is the debate between Clinton and Obama on April 16, 2008. The whole thing was really screwed up, both by design and by the moderators, notably Charlie Gibson. But, the thing that really got me were the totally irrelevant topics that were “hotly” debated. I realize I’m a little slow on the uptake on this issue, but there was a significant amount of time spent during that debate on the fact that Senator Obama doesn’t always wear an American flag pin. (!!!!!). Here’s an excerpt from the transcript:

NASH MCCABE, VOTER: Senator Obama, I have a question, and I want to know if you believe in the American flag. I am not questioning your patriotism, but all our servicemen, policemen and EMS wear the flag. I want to know why you don’t.

GIBSON: Just to add to that, I noticed you put one on yesterday. But you’ve talked about this before, but it comes up again and again when we talk to voters. And, as you may know, it is all over the Internet.

And it’s something of a theme that Senators Clinton and McCain’s advisers agree could give you a major vulnerability if you’re the candidate in November.

How do you convince Democrats that this would not be a vulnerability?

OBAMA: Well, look, I revere the American flag. And I would not be running for president if I did not revere this country.

….

And let me just make one last point on this issue of the flag pin. As you’ve noted, I wore one yesterday when a veteran handed it to me, who himself was disabled and works on behalf of disabled veterans.

I have never said that I don’t wear flag pins or refuse to wear flag pins. This is the kind of manufactured issue that our politics has become obsessed with and, once again, distracts us from what should be my job when I’m commander-in-chief, which is going to be figuring out how we get our troops out of Iraq and how we actually make our economy better for the American people.

Not much more that I can add to that. The point is that the American public, driven by their obsession with reality television and meaningless issues, such a flag pins, are missing the point of why this is such an important election to our country and the rest of the world, and that is to make our country a good neighbor again, put us back on the economical map, and stop bullying the rest of the world with power that we don’t have. Just to reiterate, Obama said, “This is the kind of manufactured issue that our politics has become obsessed with.” The truth is that politics has not become obsessed with flag pins, it is the American people that has become obsessed with these things. It is as if they don’t even care that hundreds of thousands of innocent people are dying in Iraq, that our government is squandering our hard fought tax dollars on frivolous and manufactured conflicts in the middle east for political and monetary gain, that our country’s reputation as a world power has been dropped in the dirt, and that our economy is in the sharpest decline it has seen since the great depression. Of course, in light of all of these issues, the clear and most important issue is whether or not Senator Obama chooses to wear a flag pin, obviously. If he loses the democratic nomination because he doesn’t wear a flag pin, I’m going to throw up in your shoe, then move out of this bass-ackwards country.

The next, and possibly stranger pattern that has emerged with this presidential race is the fact that the religious leaders who have endorsed the candidates have each shown themselves to have the moral character of a pile of crap, or at least, that’s what the media would lead us to believe. By now, everyone knows the name of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Obama’s pastor for the last 20 years. Obama recently had to speak out carefully against the inflammatory remarks made by Rev. Wright in order to protect his reputation. Interestingly, the issue at point with Rev. Wright is whether or not he is a patriot (which goes straight back to Obama and the Flag pin that he doesn’t wear, which clearly makes him non-patriotic) and whether or not he is racist. Wright has issued many “inflammatory” statements in sermons over the last few years that defiantly put the U.S. government in the firing line for the condition of our citizens, and a few disasters that have happened in our country, like 9/11. He said, “that the United States had brought on al Qaeda’s attacks because of its own terrorism” (quoted from abcnews). I can see how much of the U.S. population would be offended by the implication of those remarks, but I actually happen to agree with them. If we had been good neighbors instead of big bullies, 9/11 might never have happened. However, the manner in which the comments were delivered during that, and other sermons, leaves an air of bitterness and racism hanging over us. Other parts of other sermons lay claim that the United States’ black citizens are both under represented and subject to inequality by our government’s actions and that the feeling from the days of slavery are still strong. I’m not sure what to make of this. I, personally, am the least racist person you will ever meet. I tend to see the character of a person before I see the color of his skin or the accent in his voice. The fact the most of my generation feels that way tells me that there’s probably not a ton of racism left in the mainstream social sect of our country, but I may be sampling from a biased group. For sure, middle America, the “Bush Camp,” tend to be more on the racist side of things, or at least lack tolerance (not only of blacks, but gays, arabs, women, basically anything not a white trash, Bud drinking man). The other side of this coin is that many African Americans feel under represented in the US, and because of that end up in a state of squalor and crime. They take up arms against each other and their fellow Americans because they feel like they are owed something, thus furthering the self-destructive stereotype that is given to them. I’m usually not one to preach conformity, but both sides of this issue need to meet in the middle. Angry African Americans need to drop their guns, get back in school, and work hard to show the less tolerant side of society that they are indeed not what the stereotype makes them out to be. At the same time, the rest of America needs to see that these people have just as much potential as any other person in this country and that they need to be given a chance to show their brilliance. As is true in population genetics, diversity leads to a stronger, more vigorous society.

OK, I digressed a little. My point is that Rev. Wright may not be far off in the point of his sermons, which speaks to the magnitude of change that needs to happen in our country, but he could stand to tone down the racist implications in his sermons so that more people will actually hear his message, rather than turning a deaf ear in shame. Now, should Obama be slammed for the remarks of someone that has endorsed his presidential campaign? I don’t think so. Sure, you’re generally judged by the company that you keep, since the type of people that you associate with speaks volumes to your moral character. But, before you judge, make sure you meet all of a person’s associates before making your judgment. Everyone knows and is friends with someone with questionable moral fiber, don’t deny it.

My last example of religious leaders gone awry is a pastor who has endorsed Senator McCain, Pastor John Hagee. Now, this guy is truly a tool. Hagee has come under fire for some of his views, most notably that he may carry strong anti-semitic beliefs. In a late 1990’s sermon, Hagee made the following statements:

John Hagee, the controversial evangelical leader and endorser of Sen. John McCain, argued in a late 1990s sermon that the Nazis had operated on God’s behalf to chase the Jews from Europe and shepherd them to Palestine. According to the Reverend, Adolph Hitler was a “hunter,” sent by God, who was tasked with expediting God’s will of having the Jews re-establish a state of Israel.

Going in and out of biblical verse, Hagee preached: “‘And they the hunters should hunt them,’ that will be the Jews. ‘From every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks.’ If that doesn’t describe what Hitler did in the holocaust you can’t see that.”

He goes on: “Theodore Herzl is the father of Zionism. He was a Jew who at the turn of the 19th century said, this land is our land, God wants us to live there. So he went to the Jews of Europe and said ‘I want you to come and join me in the land of Israel.’ So few went that Hertzel went into depression. Those who came founded Israel; those who did not went through the hell of the holocaust.

“Then god sent a hunter. A hunter is someone with a gun and he forces you. Hitler was a hunter. And the Bible says — Jeremiah writing — ‘They shall hunt them from every mountain and from every hill and from the holes of the rocks,’ meaning there’s no place to hide. And that might be offensive to some people but don’t let your heart be offended. I didn’t write it, Jeremiah wrote it. It was the truth and it is the truth. How did it happen? Because God allowed it to happen. Why did it happen? Because God said my top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel.”

(quoted from the Huffington Post)

So, he basically believes that the Holocaust was God’s work and that Jews should all be corralled into a small country the size of Vancouver Island or die in an oven. This is an interesting view for someone who, in his most fundamental religious beliefs, has “denounced replacement theology, believing that chapters 9-11 of the book of Romans teach that the Jews have continuing favor with God by the election of grace, and as a people of the covenant do not require belief in Jesus Christ for their salvation. He believes the Bible commands Christians to support Israel and the Jewish people, even though he has made anti-semitic remarks against Jews.” (Wikipedia)

So, I’m not sure what to make of this guy. I saw an interview with him while I was in San Antonio a few months ago, and it was really weird. He is just one of those people that when you watch him, just wreaks of evil. You get the impression that he’d do nearly anything to further his own station in life. That being said, once again, all we know of this guy is what the media portrays him to be. But, I get a bad feeling about him and about John McCain in general.

So, it looks like the original edict in the Constitution of the United States, that there should be a separation between church and state, is well founded and remains true today. As of late, far too much emphasis on religion has come into the forefront with political decisions, law making, policy making, and foreign affairs. The politicians tout religious piety to their constituents for one reason, to get votes so that they can be re-elected. The truth is that, no matter who your favorite politician is or to which party she belongs, they are likely morally ambiguous at best. The nature of politics is grounded in deceit, and is founded in law, which is contrived at best (how many truly honest lawyers do you know). Religion is from the other side of the fence and is supposed to be grounded in moral discipline and philanthropy, but is also subject to extreme corruption. My point in all of this, get as much real information as you can before deciding on your candidate. Try to get non media-spun data and judge the moral character and leadership capabilities of your candidate. Only then will get select the right one, and only then can we replace the quagmire that our government has become with a competent group of people capable of extricating us from our quickly sinking ship.

Think before you vote.

/that is all

So, all is well, Rachel was very happy that everything was normal and so am I. Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend!

Being a scientist, and a neuroscientist at that, the whole process of watching a newborn transform into an infant is really interesting. You see, when we’re born, we all have three times the number of neurons than we do when we’re adults. It is thought that the evolutionary reason for this is that all kinds of random (and a lot of very deliberate) connections are made between cells in the brain by the time a baby is born. It is almost as if every connection that can be made, is made. The result is a system that has a few very strong neural circuits and a ton of weak connections. You see, in order for a memory or a motion or a thought to be direct, meaningful, and effective, the connections between the neurons that make those functions possible have to be very strong and very selective. For this reason, most functional neuronal loops in adults are made up of one major connection between each neuron that is strengthened by other surrounding cells. In babies, this strengthening doesn’t exist and there are multiple connections per function. This is one of the major reasons why babies are so uncoordinated. Here is an analogy: if you are being read a news article by someone else in a quiet room, it is easy to focus on the story being told. If you are being read the same article in a really loud room, it is harder to hear and harder to focus on. Now imagine that you’re being read the news article in a very noisy and echo-y room and you’re being read to by 15 different people, all reading the same story, and all reading different parts of the story simultaneously, some louder than others. You can imagine that it would be very difficult to really get the gist of the news article. You’d probably want to shut up 14 of the people and move into a quieter space in order to hear the article (or, you’d just tell them all to screw off and read it for yourself, but that’s another story). This is a bit what it is like in the brain circuitry of babies. As they develop, brain cells that aren’t being used as much as others die off to allow the more used ones with the stronger connections to work more effectively. As the brain matures, other things happen (like myelination) that help make the newly strengthened connections even stronger.

My point in explaining all of this is that I can already see these neurological changes happening with Sasha. Every day something new and fascinating happens with her. A few days ago, it became obvious that her visual pathways were becoming much stronger because now she carefully studies faces. She’ll stare at you and study every part of your face with obvious focus. Whereas before, she would look at you and her eyes would wander a new direction or go cross-eyed. So, I think her vision is starting to clear up, which is really exciting because she’ll be able to start recognizing people by their faces very soon. She’s also getting a little more active and her movements are becoming a little more deliberate. She’s starting to “bicycle” with her legs a little and is starting to find a voice other than screaming and crying. She’s starting to make those cute baby noises, which I’m really excited about.

So, aside from the really obvious changes, like she’s grown a lot in the last month and she’s obviously gaining weight, and she fits into her newborn clothes now, the more subtle neurological changes are completely fascinating. Yesterday, she looked at me and reached out and grabbed my nose. It may have been an accident, but it’s more fun if I think that she meant to do it. I’m also noticing that, almost daily, her cries are changing. When she was first born, her cries were high pitched and quick, which was way cute (plus she has the cutest pout when she’s crying). Then, they moved into a more annoying sort of lower-pitched grunt cry, where it is like she’s trying to poop and cry at the same time. Along with that shift came the ear piercing panicked-I’m-not-getting-what-I-need-so-I’m-going-cry-so-hard-I’m-going-to-pass-out cry. That’s a fun one and you definitely lose a bit of hearing every time you are exposed to it. But, now her cries are starting to become a little less strained and more, well, cute again. It’s more of a baby voice than a desperate cry for help (though it is still desperate). But, she can still do the crying until she chokes cry. Anyway, it is really interesting, and continues to be a total blast.

Rachel gave birth to our beautiful new daughter, Sasha, at 10:01am on Sunday April 20, 2008 after 11 grueling hours of pitocin-enhanced, drug-free labor. Since I was standing right there when it happened, I got a good look at her coming out. She was in the correct position coming out, so, with Rachel on her back, Sasha was delivered face down. The second she was out, her eyes opened wide, she held her head up, looked straight a Rachel and sat there stunned for a second. The doctor was a little surprised by her ability to hold her head up like that, but it soon gave way to the cutest little cries you can imagine. They immediately placed Sasha on Rachel and began the afterbirth process.

Let me tell you, for those guys out there that have never experienced this, child birth is truly an awe-inspiring process. As a friend of mine told me before all of this came to pass, “Prepare to witness why women are the stronger of the two sexes.” Man, was he right. I never could have done all of that. But, even more amazing than Rachel’s monumental performance was the fact that, in that instance, the sudden presence of my baby girl completely melted my heart and Rachel and I began to cry together as we stared awe-struck at this little, precious life that we had created together. I remember every second of that time like it happened yesterday and I still have those incredibly strong feelings for Sasha.

During Rachel’s pregnancy, I referred constantly to one of the only pregnancy books out there that is written specifically for the father. It is titled, “The Expectant Father,” by Armin A. Brott. The book tells you a ton information that would be otherwise incomprehensible to you and prepares you for a lot of the extreme irrationality involved in a pregnant woman’s thought processes. One of the things it talks about though, is the man’s connection to his unborn baby. Most men find the process abstract and surreal, and we certainly don’t feel like we’ve made a specific connection with the baby, no matter how excited we think we are. This reality leaves us, as men, totally unprepared for the onslaught of emotions that comes along with seeing and touching your child for the first time. For me, there was an immediate connection. I was head over heals in love within seconds, something that I’ve never felt before. My love was unconditional, unwavering, and immediately stronger than anything that I’ve ever felt before. I knew that from that point on, I was a goner and that this tiny little girl was going to be the second and greatest love of my life. They say that there’s a specific connection between fathers and daughters. Well, if it is anything like what I felt that day and continue to feel now, then I’m in for a real treat.

So, it has now been one month since Sasha entered into our lives. We are tired, worn down, and trying to make sense of the total mess that having expanded our family to include another person has left us with. But, despite all of the negatives, having Sasha around has been a truly amazing experience and has done nothing but make us both happier. She is so sweet and so cute (of course she is, she’s our baby), and she is so interesting. Everything is new and interesting to her and her motives are completely pure. There are no pretenses and she only worries about being wet, cold, tired and hungry. The innocence is intoxicating and I can do nothing more than look upon her sweet little face with awe and pride. One of the strangest things about this whole process is that I expected there to be this big mental shift once she was born to, “OMFG, I’m a father now, I’d better get with it!” But, that didn’t really happen. Beyond my feelings toward Sasha, everything has felt completely natural, like she’s been there in our lives forever. Before this period in my life, I’ve never had a moment where my actions and feelings and thoughts were obviously taken over by instinct, I’ve always had some intellectual say in the process or subject at hand, or at least a certain amount of control over it. But, in this case, I had no control. The shift to fatherhood just happened. My brain and my thoughts adapted to include her in my programming as easily as if it had always been there. There can be no doubt, she is supposed to be in our lives right now.

OK, I’m done gushing. She’s awesome. Come visit her. Check out extensive pictures and movies of her on the rest of this website and keep coming back for more. Since this is probably the most significant event in my life so far, I have a feeling that many of my future posts will be on this subject, though I’ll try to pepper in some other fun topics, like rowing, politics and those wacky Californian people. But, you can bet that a large amount of my mental processes will be working on my daughter. You should definitely try this, it is pretty awesome!

Which brings me back to my original point, I find myself in this hyper-emotional state that is very confusing to me. I’m generally not a very emotional person. I think I’m always friendly, open, honest, generally positive and happy. But, I think that I largely approach life from a non-emotional, logical standpoint. In fact, I think most men find themselves in this category. I feel emotions, but they don’t always affect me in apparent ways. When they do affect me, I try to apply logic to them and quickly discover the source for the instability and immediately set out to find a rapid solution to the problem that will result in my return to a hypoemotional and logical state of being.

But, in the last few weeks, as the birth of my baby grows ever nearer, I find that there just isn’t a logical way back to my ground state of being. I find myself in a constant state of excited-nervous-loving-anxious-happy-worry-terrified-ness. And, the strangest part of all of it is that I find myself being more dependent upon Rachel for emotional support, which is very counter to the role that I’m supposed to take right now, to be the emotional support for her (and every other kind of support you can imagine). So, the idiom, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, applies even to this crazy emotional state that I’m in right now. My daddy books tell me that this is really common, that fathers-to-be increase their dependence on their wives/significant others during the last month or so of pregnancy. There’s really no logic to it, just that the men’s needs are seldom met during this time (which is understandable).

In addition to my growing dependence on Rachel, I find this emotional state to be very distracting. This comes at a terrible time since I need to be more focused now than I have been in a very long time as I try to finish up as much of my work as possible before the baby arrives. I’m not sure if this state is the cause of my stress directly, or whether the stress is a result of the effect that this state has on my work. Either way, it sucks.

One, entirely unexpected revelation in all of this is that I think I now understand what women go through during PMS. I’ve witnessed Rachel breaking out into fits of laughing, crying, and stomping her feet all at once. I remember thinking to myself, “Self, that’s gotta be messed up!” and deciding that I was very lucky not to have to ever go through something like that. One emotion at a time is quite enough for me, thank you very much. But, now that I find myself in exactly that position, I understand that it is, indeed, messed up!

So, since the only cure for the quaternary emotional state is the birth of my child, I guess I can find solace in a tall glass of beer in the mean time. The beer tends to remove at least two emotional states from my seven simultaneous emotions, which is far more manageable. I’m kidding, obviously. Having a baby has not driven me to drink. If anything, it has driven me to drink less than before, which would put me at next to nothing, since I don’t drink much anyhow.

So, on that note *raises glass of beer*, here’s to the entirely unknown and quickly approaching future, and, hopefully, the to end of the quaternary emotional state.

Anyway, the point of that story was to illustrate that at the exact same time that the mysterious smell attacked our olfactories, we both started to feel the onset of fairly extreme allergies. In Texas, we both had crazy allergies and took Zyrtec religiously to combat the issues. However, since living in Northern California, neither of us has had any significant problems. I’m allergic to most pollens, so spring time here (which is accompanied by a huge floral bloom in all of the trees) makes me sneeze from time to time and get my trademark swollen eye. But, it is nothing that needs medication and I can usually make it through the spring just fine. But, since the smell, both Rachel and I have been congested and coughing like crazy. It feels like someone dumped acetone down my lungs in my sleep and that I have to cough out the skin that lines them to get rid of the feeling. It is really annoying. And, poor Rachel can’t take anything for it due to her serving as an incubator at the moment. So, I’ve opted to suffer with her (which she thinks is stupid, and probably is, but those medications put me off of my game and I need to be on right now). So, we’ll call it sympathy allergies, since I didn’t gain sympathy weight (I actually lost a little). So, the allergies are driving us nuts. We’ve narrowed the list of allergens to two possible sources, spontaneous interdimentional aggregation and mold. Both of us are intensely allergic to molds, and, it turns out that dead things mold, a lot, and the spores are released from death molds can travel pretty far to find more dead things to feed off of. So, we’re back to the dead thing, which is probably stuck under the baseboard of Rachel’s sink cabinet. I suppose that the good news is that it’ll be gone, along with the mold in a couple of weeks. In the mean time, we both suffer, some of us needlessly.

In addition to this crazy SARS-like condition, I’ve found myself to be horribly stressed out. The impending birth of my child, while exciting and wonderful, is causing me all sorts of trouble in the rest of my life. My job as a Neuroscience Researcher, as many of you know, is kind of demanding. You really have to work your ass off to get anywhere in the field. Up until recently, I’d been trying to operate on the principle that a good amount of quality work yields the same quantity of results as working inhuman hours. I’m not sure if I’ve disproven that ideology, but it has definitely gone out of the window for me right now. I’ve essentially got 3 - 5 weeks left until we have our child and my productivity drops dramatically. I’ve decided that I need to have the vast majority of my Parkinson’s project completed within this time frame so that I can work on the data and writing of the paper at home while bouncing the little one on one knee. It turns out that I bit off a lot in trying to accomplish this goal. I have an insane amount of work to do, but I’m getting through it in around 60 - 85 hours/week. It’s back to grad school times for me right now.

In addition to trying to finish my project, I have three other projects that I’m trying to move forward on, two collaborations with other people in my lab, the entire mouse colony to maintain (~1500 animals), and the rest of my responsibilities in the lab to cover. It is a little nuts. But, wait, there’s more!

In addition to Rachel’s unfortunate feelings of hugeness, her constant need for urination, and the large amount of emotional support that I should be giving her right now, I have a lot of stuff to do around the house to prepare for the baby, which largely removes my ability to work on the weekends. I’m fine with all of it, it is just a lot to deal with, and I’m so freaking tired all of the time that I think my ability to take things as they come and relax has been worn down. Work has been a mess for me. I’m really stressed out about all of it and I’m letting people get to me more than usual. I’m not going to expand on that topic, you can email me for details. But, suffice it to say that I need to get back to the place where I’m confident in my abilities as a scientist despite what others may or may not think about me. I’m usually very good at being confident without the approval of other people that don’t matter much. But, the last few months have worn that ability down for me. If I can manage to get that back, my cheery optimism will return with it.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on long enough. With any luck, I’ll have a more positive outlook on things by this weekend and I’ll be able to post a cheerier post, unless out government screws all of that up too. They’re working on causing as much damage as possible in their last 10 months. Go team!