Blog of Bermanism

Well folks, it’s happened. The world has done gone crazy, black is white, up is down, socks are dirty, and hell hath no fury like a gerbil on fire. That’s right, I’m officially a father!

Rachel gave birth to our beautiful new daughter, Sasha, at 10:01am on Sunday April 20, 2008 after 11 grueling hours of pitocin-enhanced, drug-free labor. Since I was standing right there when it happened, I got a good look at her coming out. She was in the correct position coming out, so, with Rachel on her back, Sasha was delivered face down. The second she was out, her eyes opened wide, she held her head up, looked straight a Rachel and sat there stunned for a second. The doctor was a little surprised by her ability to hold her head up like that, but it soon gave way to the cutest little cries you can imagine. They immediately placed Sasha on Rachel and began the afterbirth process.

Let me tell you, for those guys out there that have never experienced this, child birth is truly an awe-inspiring process. As a friend of mine told me before all of this came to pass, “Prepare to witness why women are the stronger of the two sexes.” Man, was he right. I never could have done all of that. But, even more amazing than Rachel’s monumental performance was the fact that, in that instance, the sudden presence of my baby girl completely melted my heart and Rachel and I began to cry together as we stared awe-struck at this little, precious life that we had created together. I remember every second of that time like it happened yesterday and I still have those incredibly strong feelings for Sasha.

During Rachel’s pregnancy, I referred constantly to one of the only pregnancy books out there that is written specifically for the father. It is titled, “The Expectant Father,” by Armin A. Brott. The book tells you a ton information that would be otherwise incomprehensible to you and prepares you for a lot of the extreme irrationality involved in a pregnant woman’s thought processes. One of the things it talks about though, is the man’s connection to his unborn baby. Most men find the process abstract and surreal, and we certainly don’t feel like we’ve made a specific connection with the baby, no matter how excited we think we are. This reality leaves us, as men, totally unprepared for the onslaught of emotions that comes along with seeing and touching your child for the first time. For me, there was an immediate connection. I was head over heals in love within seconds, something that I’ve never felt before. My love was unconditional, unwavering, and immediately stronger than anything that I’ve ever felt before. I knew that from that point on, I was a goner and that this tiny little girl was going to be the second and greatest love of my life. They say that there’s a specific connection between fathers and daughters. Well, if it is anything like what I felt that day and continue to feel now, then I’m in for a real treat.

So, it has now been one month since Sasha entered into our lives. We are tired, worn down, and trying to make sense of the total mess that having expanded our family to include another person has left us with. But, despite all of the negatives, having Sasha around has been a truly amazing experience and has done nothing but make us both happier. She is so sweet and so cute (of course she is, she’s our baby), and she is so interesting. Everything is new and interesting to her and her motives are completely pure. There are no pretenses and she only worries about being wet, cold, tired and hungry. The innocence is intoxicating and I can do nothing more than look upon her sweet little face with awe and pride. One of the strangest things about this whole process is that I expected there to be this big mental shift once she was born to, “OMFG, I’m a father now, I’d better get with it!” But, that didn’t really happen. Beyond my feelings toward Sasha, everything has felt completely natural, like she’s been there in our lives forever. Before this period in my life, I’ve never had a moment where my actions and feelings and thoughts were obviously taken over by instinct, I’ve always had some intellectual say in the process or subject at hand, or at least a certain amount of control over it. But, in this case, I had no control. The shift to fatherhood just happened. My brain and my thoughts adapted to include her in my programming as easily as if it had always been there. There can be no doubt, she is supposed to be in our lives right now.

OK, I’m done gushing. She’s awesome. Come visit her. Check out extensive pictures and movies of her on the rest of this website and keep coming back for more. Since this is probably the most significant event in my life so far, I have a feeling that many of my future posts will be on this subject, though I’ll try to pepper in some other fun topics, like rowing, politics and those wacky Californian people. But, you can bet that a large amount of my mental processes will be working on my daughter. You should definitely try this, it is pretty awesome!

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