Blog of Bermanism

In the short time since my previous post, I’m rediscovered my confidence and my cheery optimism, mostly. However, in coming out of that state, I find myself in an even more confusing condition, that of having multiple conflicting emotions at all times, hence the title of the post. In biology, the structure of proteins has several states: primary structure is the linear sequence of amino acids that make up the protein; the secondary structure refers to the areas of the protein that interact and fold over on each other in a two dimensional representation; the teritary structure is the three-dimensional form that the final, active protein takes on, which allows it to perform its function in your cells; and, finally, the quaternary structure is the state of multiple proteins interacting to form a complex that performs a function independent of the function of each of the proteins that make up the complex. Thus, the cliche, “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts,” holds very true in biology as in everything else.

Which brings me back to my original point, I find myself in this hyper-emotional state that is very confusing to me. I’m generally not a very emotional person. I think I’m always friendly, open, honest, generally positive and happy. But, I think that I largely approach life from a non-emotional, logical standpoint. In fact, I think most men find themselves in this category. I feel emotions, but they don’t always affect me in apparent ways. When they do affect me, I try to apply logic to them and quickly discover the source for the instability and immediately set out to find a rapid solution to the problem that will result in my return to a hypoemotional and logical state of being.

But, in the last few weeks, as the birth of my baby grows ever nearer, I find that there just isn’t a logical way back to my ground state of being. I find myself in a constant state of excited-nervous-loving-anxious-happy-worry-terrified-ness. And, the strangest part of all of it is that I find myself being more dependent upon Rachel for emotional support, which is very counter to the role that I’m supposed to take right now, to be the emotional support for her (and every other kind of support you can imagine). So, the idiom, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, applies even to this crazy emotional state that I’m in right now. My daddy books tell me that this is really common, that fathers-to-be increase their dependence on their wives/significant others during the last month or so of pregnancy. There’s really no logic to it, just that the men’s needs are seldom met during this time (which is understandable).

In addition to my growing dependence on Rachel, I find this emotional state to be very distracting. This comes at a terrible time since I need to be more focused now than I have been in a very long time as I try to finish up as much of my work as possible before the baby arrives. I’m not sure if this state is the cause of my stress directly, or whether the stress is a result of the effect that this state has on my work. Either way, it sucks.

One, entirely unexpected revelation in all of this is that I think I now understand what women go through during PMS. I’ve witnessed Rachel breaking out into fits of laughing, crying, and stomping her feet all at once. I remember thinking to myself, “Self, that’s gotta be messed up!” and deciding that I was very lucky not to have to ever go through something like that. One emotion at a time is quite enough for me, thank you very much. But, now that I find myself in exactly that position, I understand that it is, indeed, messed up!

So, since the only cure for the quaternary emotional state is the birth of my child, I guess I can find solace in a tall glass of beer in the mean time. The beer tends to remove at least two emotional states from my seven simultaneous emotions, which is far more manageable. I’m kidding, obviously. Having a baby has not driven me to drink. If anything, it has driven me to drink less than before, which would put me at next to nothing, since I don’t drink much anyhow.

So, on that note *raises glass of beer*, here’s to the entirely unknown and quickly approaching future, and, hopefully, the to end of the quaternary emotional state.

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