Blog of Bermanism

Dear Sasha,

I’ve been wanting to write you this letter for a long time now. I’ve heard of other dads doing it, giving their children some small peek into their past to a time that they couldn’t possibly remember. There are few things that I want to tell you while you’re still a baby that I won’t be able to say as well when you’re older, so that’s why I’m writing this.

By the time you read this letter and understand what it all means, we’ll all be older, maybe a little wiser, and hopefully just as close to each other as we are now. Sasha, you are the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. You are my light, you bring nothing but joy and love to my heart, you make each day better than the rest, and I can’t wait to come home to see your smiling face and to be with you and play with you. I wish I could bottle this feeling and hand it to you with this letter, but the letter alone will have to do.

As I write this letter to you, you’ve just turned one year old, and I can honestly say that this has been one crazy year! The year started with your amazing arrival on April 20, 2008 at 10:01am. Your mom worked so hard all night long to get you out, and then, there you were, as healthy and happy as a newborn baby could possibly be. It was an interesting experience for me, seeing you born. The second your little head popped out, a world of possibilities opened up and I asked myself, “What did we get ourselves into?!” What happened next was something that I’d heard of, but never expected. The second you were all the way out, you immediately lifted your head up, looked straight at me and started to cry. In that instant, I experienced an onslaught of emotion that I wasn’t prepared for. I fell instantly head-over-heels in love with you and knew immediately that I would do anything for you. And then, you were handed to your mom. You were so beautiful and perfect, even the doctor and the nurses were talking about how perfect and alert you were. I cried, I couldn’t help it, there was just too much emotion to hold back, so it came out, along with your name, Sasha. We were torn between Ellie and Sasha, but when we saw you, you were obviously a Sasha. You were awake and alert and staring at everything for the next few hours, which is a lot for a newborn. Most babies are only awake for 45 minutes or so, so this was a treat to see you awake for so long. Grannie Annie was in the room already and Grandma Nancy was on the bus from the airport, I left to get her and you were still awake when I got back. So, she got to see you within about an hour of your birth (after you’d been cleaned up and tested for everything). We spent the next two days in the hospital with you, learning everything there was to know about taking care of a new baby (because we had no clue how to do it). All of our friends came by to celebrate your arrival by throwing a huge margarita party in our room (I’m sure you’ll see the pictures, it was pretty amazing). We were also trying to recover from the 18 hour day that lead up to your birth, and trying to get ready for being awake every 2 hours for the next four months with you.

I’ll never forget that week. Our lives were forever changed and you became the first of the next generation of Bermans/Schillers. Over the next weeks and months, you grew so fast, you learned a lot of new tricks, traveled all over the world (you were always great on airplanes), and before we knew it, five months had passed and it was time for mom to go back to work. At the time, we didn’t have enough money to pay for daycare or a nanny, so, since my job was really flexible, mom started working in the mornings, and I went to work after lunch and worked into the night. That schedule was really hard on me, but it had an amazing benefit: I got to spend a lot of time with you. Most dads don’t get that chance, and, because of that schedule, you and I developed a special bond. You’re almost as comfortable with me as you are with your mom, and that is something that is very rare, and something I will always treasure. I know that this schedule can’t last for much longer, and I’m really going to miss spending those mornings with you, but I will always treasure those moments. We played together, we laughed and sung together, we read books, chased each other around the house, took Izzy on walks, went for runs together, and really enjoyed each other’s company. I’ll definitely miss those times, but I know that there are many special times ahead and that you’ll just keep getting more amazing as time goes by.

Now, as you are just over one year old, you’re walking (more like running) all over the house, you’re talking all the time, sometimes with real words, sometimes with your own cute language, and you understand a lot of what we say and do. Right now, you think that everything is a doggie. Dogs, bears, cats, flowers, trees, and even mommy sometimes. It is so cute. You love water. You love to drink it, you love to look at it, you love to play in it. You call it wawa, but you always call it the right thing. The thing you probably love more than anything else though, is books. You LOVE reading books. You always want us to read to you. You bring us books any time and get mad at us when we don’t want to read them. But, you usually just sit down and try to read them to yourself. And, you just keep getting more and more beautiful with each passing day. You’ve passed out of the weird alien baby stage and into the little kid stage. Every day you look and act more like a kid than a baby, and it is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. You are so smart, so sweet and loving, and the most special and treasured thing in my life. You’re my little girl, and I can’t tell you how amazing that is.

Well, Sasha, I hope you read this and understand how special you are to both your mommy and I, and that you get an idea of just how much we love and adore you. No matter how hard things get in the future, no matter how mad at me you get sometimes, no matter how much you think I’m just your dorky dad who embarrasses you in front of your friends, just know that I would do anything for you and that I will always love you more than life itself. I want nothing more for you than to grow up happy, healthy, fulfilled, and to be a good person. Hopefully, you’ll love us as much as we love you, but as long as you are happy, it doesn’t matter. I love you so much Sasha! You’ll always be my little girl, and I’ll always cuddle with you whenever you want to. I hope you’ve loved your life up until now, because we’ve loved having you in ours. You’re the best, thanks for blessing us with your presence in our lives. We will never be the same, and we are better for having you here. You’re awesome!

Love Always,

Daddy